the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
