Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
