i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
