Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
