is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
