chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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