It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
