So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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