omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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