I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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