bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
