cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
