So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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