what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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