we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
