i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
