I think im going to throw up on grandma
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
