What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
