Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You ruined the universe
Randomize
