dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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