What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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