from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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