Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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