I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
