She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
