thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
this just has baby written all over it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
