genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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