I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
