I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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