if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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