I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
