she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
