I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
