I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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