He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
