I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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