I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
