I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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