I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
