as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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