Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
