The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
