Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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