..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
