Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
