I want to stick my p in your. b.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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