Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
