I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
