There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
