my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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