dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
