my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
