what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
