So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
