You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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