So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
