It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
