Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
