shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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