I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
