bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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