I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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