Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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