you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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