On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
