I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
