My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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