I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
don't judge my taste in strippers
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
