So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
