youre lurking in front of me
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
