I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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