I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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