you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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