i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
